Yesterday evening my mom left for Des Moines so that means today I am on my own with Henry for the first time since he was born 12 days ago. Admittedly this is causing a lot of anxiety for me. Most of my anxiety has come from feeding him. He is just not taking to BF as much as I was hoping. I know I have gone on and on and on about this but it is something I really want to be able to provide and I am just so frustrated! I could definitely pump and feed but that is sooooo much work. Currently I feed as much as he will at the breast and then have to pump so that I can give him an ounce after the feeding. The problem is, I cannot pump immediately after because he is so hungry and won't eat from me so I have to heat milk that was pumped earlier and then when he falls asleep, I put him in his crib and then pump. It is a never ending cycle really and I am just exhausted with it. I have met with the lactation consultant a few times, I will meet with her again on Saturday. The first two weeks are the hardest they say so I am looking forward to next week - but they also say he will have a growth spurt and I am not looking forward to that. Since his feedings are so random, it is hard to go anywhere, plan anything...etc.
Today I put Henry in his bouncer, its a first. I know he needs stimulation of some sort, but I have no idea what to do with him while he is awake, and that is generally 20 minutes after eating so not much time to work with. How crazy is that? He is a baby, it shouldn't be too hard, right? Well when you don't know much about babies and have no experience, it's hard, especially because he isn't too fussy so he seems content just doing nothing at this stage in the game. This will be a huge learning experience for me. I just have to remember Henry has never been a baby and I have never been a mom so how can we mess this up? I have tried to put him in his swing and thus far he isn't a fan but maybe when he gets a little older, we'll see. I would like to take him on a walk, however, it truly isn't warm enough here yet so that will have to wait until the weather cooperates, maybe tomorrow will be sunny and warm.
4 comments:
Oh Sam!
You'll be fine on your own. Seriously, he can't see anything farther than like 2 inches and he can't really do anything so don't worry about having him do something. You know what he finds to be best of all? A cuddle from mom, a hug and a kiss. If you truly feel he needs to do something, the swing is good and so is the bouncy chair or a gym thing. Although remember he can't really see very well and he's so tired that you don't have to do anything with him but love him. You can't go wrong!
As from BF, do NOT get all upset over it. If you end up not being able to do it, then you can't do it. You and he will truly be Ok. Do not get yourself all depressed over it. Give it a few more days, if it still isn't working, consider pumping only (do you have a warmer that takes like 5 min or are you using the stove?) or going to formula. Truly, it will all be Ok!!!
PS - call me if you need to just vent or need help. I really can help you out
You'll do great Sam, I know you will. You'll learn as you go along and so will he. The good news is that he won't remember this anyway!
As for BFing. I so know how frustating it is. It went fine for me with Logan but then Quinn had issues with it and I completely beat myself up over it. I was a wreck until I finally threw in the towel. It was too hard to try to BF, then pump, then feed from a bottle, all the while taking care of a 23 month old as well. It just was not worth what I was putting myself through both emotionally as well as physically. People always say, it's the most natural thing" blah, blah, blah. The truth is, it's NOT easy and it's not for every woman nor every baby. Definitely give it a little longer, as he gets a little older he should get more interested in it and by that time you should be a bit more comfortable as well. If it doesn't work out, at least you did it for the first couple weeks which is when it's most important anyway. Hang in there!
Hi Sam! I totally know how you feel about the BF thing! I didn't have enough and Lydia wasn't gaining weight. I ended up pumping for 8 wks and supplementing w/ formula. Now she just is on formula. She just didn't do so well nursing and I was really not patient enough with her most likely. Anything that you can give Henry is great but the most important thing is for him to have a happy mommy. :)
Hey Sam, hang in there with the bf! It is tough the first 2-3 weeks for sure. Henry is going to like the bottle more b/c the milk comes out faster and he doesn't have to work very hard at sucking it down. BF requires him to really work for that milk. I know you feel like all you do is feed or pump, and really, that is how it is for awhile until the babies can go longer inbetween feedings. The first couple of weeks w/ Baylen, I became sore, so to give myself a break from pumping or feeding from the boob, I would give him a small bottle of formula. I usually did it once or twice during the DAY just in case he spit up a bunch or got a tummy ache, then I wasn't dealing with it at 3 in the morning. I did the same when Brynna was a baby too, especially since I was VERY sore right after she came home from the hospital (I think she was latching wrong and I didn't figure it out until I was about dying from pain)
I breast fed Brynn for 8 1/2 months and I feel like I am experienced enough to pass on some info. So, if i could give you one more piece of advice as far as bf is concerned: keep trying to get comfortable with Henry latching on. If you are trying to feed him in the cradle hold, as soon as you get him "interested" and his mouth opens up wide, just hold the back of his head with one hand and your boob in the other hand and then just shove him on there pretty swiftly. I always look at the baby's latch to make sure it's "flailed" as they say, with his or her bottom lip folded out. (does that make sense?) Keep trying the "shove baby's face in your boob" method until you get comfortable with it. I know it sounds a little "pushy" and maybe seems a little "rough", but really it isn't at all....think of it more as a gentle "shove" of baby's face into mommy's boob. LOL
Baylen is a terrible and lazy latcher...it takes him about 5 tries before he is happy and eating. It's frustrating at times, but he's learning too. Henry is the same--a new baby, and he's trying to figure it all out. Babies can sense mommies who are anxious or nervous, so just try to be as patient as you can. I know how hormones are also going crazy in you and it's an emotional process. (Last week I was crying to Dj how I was going to just give Baylen formula 24/7 b/c I was tired of feeding all the time (EVERY HOUR) and he talked me out of it, reminding me how beneficial it was for him to keep bf) Breast feeding is not all "natural" as they say...in my opinion it's actually pretty high-maintenance. But if you can stick with it for even awhile, the benefits to both baby and momma are so worthwhile.
(by the way, when we're out in public, if i don't have time to get a bottle pumped before we go, I take a bottle of water and some formula with me and it makes it much easier to be out and about and not worry if he does get hungry.)
Whatever happens and whatever you decide will work out fine. You have to do what is best for you and what you feel comfortable with! :) Good luck--you'll do great! :) --Fitz
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